Last week I started back to work and that first day back came with a heavy heart and a few tears. But after that first day, it was much easier each day after knowing that I’m working for my baby. It truly helps when you absolutely love your job as well.
Being a mom shifts absolutely everything in life, especially your motivation, drive and over all thinking. Be warned moms-to-be that “pregnancy brain” is real and it doesn’t just go away. It simply changes its name to “mom brain”. I have left Braxon's diaper bag at home on multiple occasions, I have completely forgotten what I was doing while in the middle of doing that task, I have blankly stared watching my husband carry and load everything into our car (baby, bag, groceries) all while I just stood there doing nothing. It’s like my brain just doesn’t register what is going on some of the time. It’s crazy, and it’s usually towards the end of the day when I’m mentally exhausted. So these first few days at work, I’ve been doing my absolute best to stay laser focused. I’m a perfectionist and can not handle making mistakes and not working to the best of my ability. I was slightly nervous about being back at work thinking “what if I cant remember how to do certain things, what if I can’t remember how to shoot, what if I screw up during a clients ordering appointment...” But my first week back I just jumped right back in and all of my worrying was for nothing. It was almost like riding a bike. You kind of don’t ever really forget how to career when you love it. Haha
But every single minute of being away from Brax doesn’t go without notice. He’s constantly on my mind. I’m constantly wondering what he’s doing, if he’s being the precious angel that he is when I’m home, if I left him enough milk to eat, and on and on and on. My brain never stops. Oh and the pumping, don’t even get me started on the pumping aspect of being back at work...I’ll just say, exclusively breast feeding is NO EASY TASK!
I’m saying all of this to tell you, ITS OKAY! There is no “Greatest Mom Award” that is handed out at the end of each milestone. Brax is my number one priority and I go above and beyond everything in my power to take the best care of him.
Even if that means...buying a brand new box of diapers and wipes on the go because I forgot to grab his diaper bag on the way out.
Even if that means...we have to use Uncle B’s T-shirt as a blanket because momma forgot to pack one to go to aunt Tae Taes house for Bachelor in Paradise night.
And most importantly even if that means...I CHOOSE TO BE A WORKING MOM. I’m working for my baby. I’m working for him to see that career and passion can go hand in hand. I’m working to provide him with the best life I can, just like I was given. I’m working for him to see me still maintain my own identity outside of just being “Mom”. I’m working so he can see that his dad and I believe in hard work. I’m working so he can see how to be of value to the world around him and the people who live in it. I’m working because I cannot imagine my life without the creative outlet that I get to call “Work”. Let’s be for real REAL, I’m also working to pay for the brand new tile floors we are putting throughout our entire house so our fella doesn’t get splinters when he starts to crawl.
I CHOOSE to work! If you're a mom and you choose to be home with your kiddos, props to you because that is some seriously hard work too! Working mom or Stay at home working mom, either way, keep rocking what you do. Your itty bitty babies see you and appreciate you!
-XX, Bri